Loss
by topazrain
Summary: Kagome and Inuyasha have never faced a challenge this serious before. Can their relationship survive?
1. Chapter 1

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A/N: I've been having some difficulties coming to terms with the loss of my son, Kendrick, and decided to write a new story as a sort of therapy. Please read and review this story so I know whether or not I should continue. Note: I will be continuing my other stories. I was just having a hard time dealing with the loss, turned on Microsoft Word, and this is what came out.

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**Chapter One**

"Night! Try not to stay here too late, Mr. Thiamine."

Inuyasha nodded at his secretary as the door slammed shut behind her. Ironic how just five months earlier he couldn't wait to leave the job behind to get back home. To hold his beautiful wife in his arms, and enjoy the fresh scent of chicken flavored ramen. Gone were those days.

Inuyasha shook his head to rid himself of the memories and found himself staring at a blank spreadsheet. There was no point in his continuing presence at the office. No one else was around, and he had finished his work two hours ago. Sighing, he reluctantly closed Microsoft Excel, and shut down his computer, before straightening up his desk, and standing. He tucked away the files for his next case in his briefcase, adjusted his tie, and put his suit jacket on, before heading out the door.

If someone had told him 500 years ago, that he would be a successful businessman living in modern day New York, in Forest Hills, Queens no less, he would have cut them a scathing glance and then dismembered them with his Tetsusaiga. Who knew that those legendary arguments with Kagome would eventually make him one of the best District Attorney's in the country? He almost smiled at the memories of his wife, yelling at him angrily in her modern-day clothes. Lost in his memories, Inuyasha almost missed his stop on the subway…again.

Hurriedly stepping through the doors, he made his way to the parking structure where he kept his brand new Lexus HS 250h, not even on the market yet he'd been granted access to the car as a "test driver" by Miroku, who, using his talent for coercion had made a very successful turnaround as a car dealer. He put the key in the ignition and heard the engine purr to life. He slowly pulled out of his parking spot and made his way home.

* * *

Kagome Thiamine couldn't breathe. She couldn't think, she couldn't do anything. Silently she stared at the quiet baby monitor. She didn't have the heart to turn it off, and damn Inuyasha for being smart enough to buy Duracell batteries! She had successfully made Inuyasha's dinner of chicken flavored ramen, and then sat at the kitchen table. She was still carrying the baby monitor around, and she couldn't fathom why. The phone rang. The sharp noise shocked her so much so that she nearly dropped the baby monitor. Recovering quickly she carefully placed the monitor on the table and walked over to the phone.

"Hello?"

"Kagome! How are you, dear?" Her mother's voice sounded unnaturally loud and happy, but then so did everybody else's nowadays.

"I'm fine, Mom."

"That's good dear, I was calling to see if you and Inuyasha would like to come over for dinner. It is Sunday after all."

Kagome winced at the reminder of the family's weekly Sunday dinner, which she hadn't attended for the last month.

"Inuyasha's still at work. I don't know when he'll be home. Listen, I should go. I'll talk to you later. I love you."

Kagome heard the slight crackle as her mother hesitated. Finally she heaved a sigh, and said quietly; "I love you too, honey. Be safe."

Kagome put the phone back in its cradle, and stared blankly at the wall it hung on. She had never known that anything could hurt this bad. Blinking back the near constant tears, she climbed the stairs, and stopped outside the closed door at the very top of them. She traced her hands over the small, painstakingly carved, wooden animals that Inuyasha had made specifically to decorate this door. Sachio, fortunately born. Kagome couldn't help the pained cry that escaped from her lips. After years of trying, they had succeeded, although with numerous difficulties and at long last when Sachio was born, they had decided that he was fortunate. Obviously they were wrong.

She moved her hand to the knob, shaped to resemble a circus tent, and pushed the door open. The pain hit her immediately. The gaily painted walls, a bright red, with large white pinstripes, another circus tent, were painted with a mural of a three ring circus, an elephant played merrily with her baby, while a bear danced gracefully on a large round ball. Tigers jumped through fiery hoops, and lions roared in glee at crowded seats. In the center of the mural was a large white dog, painted to look similar to a lion, laying on the ground in a submissive manner. The ceiling, carried a long wire, and two smiling figures hanging gracefully from it. Kagome smiled as she thought of how many hours Inuyasha had spent in this room, carefully tracing and retracing the lines of the animals.

Slowly the smile faded as she took in the rest of the room. The hand-sewn comforter and blanket set, a gift from Sango, which carried protection charms from Miroku, a large white stuffed dog, a gift from Shippo and Rin, the wooden crib and rocking chair set, hand-carved by Sesshomaru, painted with more circus animals. How many memories could she possibly hold? It was getting to hard to wake up every morning and walk past this room. She forced herself to turn around, forced herself to ignore the sonogram loving framed and hung above the crib, to ignore the picture of herself, Inuyasha and Sachio when he was fresh out of the room, she looking haggard in her hospital gown, Inuyasha staring at his son in amazed wonder, and Sachio, staring at them both, quietly.

As she closed the door, she allowed herself to wipe the silent tears that had crawled down her cheeks. She heard the soft purr of Inuyasha's car, pulling into the drive, and debated whether she should greet him or not. Finally, she put away the nervousness and decided to meet her husband at the door. He was coming through the back door of their two-story Tudor style home, when she made it into the kitchen, and her breath caught. He was still beautiful, despite the emotional turmoil, and she still felt her body respond to his presence. His long, silver tresses were caught up in a ponytail, a style he'd taken up when they opened the firm. Although she couldn't see his eyes she knew the warm tint of those amber globes by heart. His body once that of a teenage boy, had matured into a man's with broad shoulders, and strong capable hands, that he'd once placed on her pliable body every night.

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Inuyasha felt his wife looking at him, his keen nose picked up the scent of her arousal, and was almost scared to look at her. Their relationship hadn't been the same since that day, he hadn't smelled the wonderful scent of fresh jasmine and lilacs coming from her, hadn't seen that fire light up in her beautiful eyes for so long, and he couldn't bear to see it now, knowing that nothing would come of it. Instead he kept his head bent, carefully letting his long silver hair, which he now kept in a ponytail, drift over his shoulder and into his eyes, as he removed his dress shoes, and tugged at his tie.

He knew he couldn't keep up this façade forever, so he finally pulled the tie out of his hair and stood up straight. She was beautiful, there had never been any denying that, and the donation of his demon blood, at the tender age of twenty-three, had helped her maintain her youthful looks. She'd obviously been to work today, as she was wearing one of the "work dresses" he'd laughingly bought for her, when they started their firm five years ago. Funny, how they lived separate lives in the same house. They worked in the same office building, and he hadn't even known that she was there. The dress was one of his favorites, a black pinstriped sleeveless thing, with small ruffles framing the bodice, and a small black belt that she had cinched in at the waist. He forced his eyes off her body, and turned towards her face. Framed by chin-length strands of newly dyed toffee hair, courtesy of her mother after a trip to the spa to cheer her up, he thought the style made her vivid ever changing eyes stand out. Now, a soft brown color, they were framed by eyelashes with just a touch of mascara, and a hint of golden eyeshadow. He was still staring into her eyes, when he heard her soft melodic voice speak.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I made you dinner. Ramen, your favorite." She offered helpfully.

Inuyasha knew instinctively that she had not mentioned a word about dinner, but kept his mouth shut and obligingly followed her to the kitchen where she ladled up two bowls of the soup, and proceeded to ask meaningless questions.

He sighed mentally, and wondered if life would ever get better.


	2. Chapter 2

**A: N/**: I forgot to explain the premise of this story. After the devastating loss of their first child as a newborn, it chronicles the memories, expressed in italics, and the real-time emotions and feelings that they experience in every-day life, expressed in normal type. More than likely you will not realize what happened to Sachio until about the fourth or fifth chapter, as only the first page of each chapter is dedicated to the memories section. I have deliberately decided to make it seem a little disjointed, because I am trying to portray through words, the simple fact, that although they, Inuyasha and Kagome, are trying to pretend that everything is fine, both know that it is not, and neither is willing to make the first move to fix the problem. Sorry for the extra long intro. Read on!

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**Chapter Two**

_Soft laughter filled the room, and he grinned. He'd known she wouldn't be angry. He'd watched the videos about how labor was supposed to progress, and Kagome filled none of the requirements. From the moment she came out of the bathroom and announced that she'd "made a mess", to the doctor's order to push, she'd been calm, serene, and beautiful. He stared in amazement as she laughed her way through another contraction, and braced for the next push. They had deliberately chosen not to determine the sex of the baby, and Inuyasha was anxious to see what they'd produced._

_"I see the head!" Dr. Minamoto voiced loudly. "Silver hair and a pair of ears!" _

_Inuyasha glanced quickly at Kagome, and saw tears fill her eyes, her smile beaming at him tenderly. _

"_Come on Kagome, one more big push, and this baby will be out!" _

_Inuyasha hurried to the head of the bed, and grabbed his wife's hand, he watched her happy face contort into a grimace of effort, and heard the small moan she issued as she pressed down, and was amazed by her strength. He hid a wince when her hand tightened around his, and tilted his ears toward the end of the bed, waiting to hear that first intake of precious air. He watched Kagome's face relax, heard the doctor exclaim "ah!" and heard suddenly a small whoosh ripple in the air, his gaze shot to the foot of the bed, where a nurse had taken a small, blanket wrapped, moving thing and was holding it carefully while Dr. Minamoto, clamped the umbilical cord, and then whisked the bundle away, to be cleaned. Anxiously, Inuyasha awaited that yowl of irritation, and finally, finally, when the blanket was removed, he heard a loud crow go through the room._

_Beside him, he heard a stuttering breath, and turned to see his wife, sobbing quietly, and knew that she too had been just as worried. Their eyes met, locked, and he knew that they had never had a more precious moment together. Quite suddenly a small bundled was placed on Kagome's stomach, and the nurse whispered the word congratulations. Inuyasha looked up and realized the whole room had cleared._

"_So, Daddy, would you like to see?" Her voice wavered and he knew that she must be exhausted and yet she was still going. Ever so slowly he reached out a hand, and picked up the small bundle; carefully he untangled the complicated tucking and folding of the blanket, and got his first glimpse at his son. There were no words. He felt his eyes grow moist and blinked hurriedly, but it didn't work. He was beautiful, all righteous indignation, with his tiny balled up fists, and angrily squinted eyes, but he could still make out the tiny claws and the golden eyes. His ears were still folded down to his head, still moist and feebly moving, trying to get into an upright position. He looked at his silent wife, and said, with a voice that cracked: "It's a boy. It's a boy."_

_She smiled, because she'd known all along that this baby was going to be a boy, and said in that same exhausted, delighted voice, "Sachio. Let's name him Sachio."_

"_Fortunate. I like it." The smile in his voice and on his face said more than enough._

* * *

Inuyasha came to with a start. His first coherent thought was that it was a dream. His second was to wonder where he was. He quickly assessed his surroundings and found that he was in his bed, lying next to Kagome, who was moving fitfully in her sleep. Quietly, he moved the covers to the side, and slipped out of the bed, before re-tucking his wife in and heading to the living room.

He stroked a fire in the depths of the fireplace, before reaching to grab a few photo albums from one of the nearby bookshelves. He smiled in wonder. In just four shorts months, Kagome had managed to chronicle every moment of Sachio's young life, from the very moment he was born, to the fleeting moments before his death. Not for the first time since the loss, he cursed himself, and he cursed Kagome. How could the two of them, who had defeated demon after demon, finished the Sacred Jewel, destroyed Naraku, and forged a life together in feudal Japan as a miko and a half-demon fail to save their biggest treasure? Not even his demon speed and strength, not even her arrows and healing miko aura could have prevented this tragedy. He heard a sharp gasp from the door, and whipped his head to the door with a feral growl.

* * *

Kagome stared at the shattered bookshelf, and perversely found herself wondering when she could make a trip to IKEA to buy another BILLY bookcase. Her husband was staring at her with those ferocious glowing red eyes of his, and it made her want to tear her hair out by the roots. Why? Why did he have to be alone to express his anguish? In that first week, she had watched him as he sat at the kitchen table and stared at the wall phone, as if he would suddenly get a phone call, telling them that it was all a horrendous mistake, and wondered if he realized that she was slowly dying inside. The week after that, she came into the kitchen to find him gone, and realized that his car was gone. She'd waited patiently for him to return and when he finally had; he'd walked through the door fell on his knees, placed his head on her stomach and wept. That was the first and last display of any real emotion she'd seen to date.

Carefully, she walked over to Inuyasha, ignoring the growls coming from deep in his throat, and enveloped him in a tight hug. The growling increased in volume, until it was almost a roar, and Kagome felt her shoulder shake with the sobs that she was attempting to repress. Her world was crashing around her, and her only solace, Inuyasha, was nowhere to be found when she needed him, it was always a charade with them now. Suddenly she realized that growling had subsided. That his warm solid arms had wrapped around her shaking frame, and that soft, wet thumps were hitting her on the head. She lifted her head, and stared into Inuyasha's beautiful golden gaze and realized that he was crying, crying with her. Her heart shattered all over again. The careful guard she'd managed to build around herself dissipated and she lurched into his chest and cried all over again.

* * *

Inuyasha woke slowly the next day, stretching comfortably under the slight weight on his chest, and repositioned his arm. Gradually, he let himself awaken, one sense at a time. He twitched his noise, and inhaled deeply of the sweet jasmine scent surrounding him. Tilted his ears, and heard the familiar soft purr of his wife's snore. Finally he blinked open his eyes and looked down. He was surprised to see that it was actually his wife, draped across his body, and not a mirage. It had been awhile since he'd touched her and now it just felt awkward. He could see the puffiness underneath her eyes that had come from her tears, and smiled at the soft gurgle she made when he ran his finger softly underneath her eye. Slowly he moved her to the side, stood up and cradled her in his arms, before walking with her to the bedroom, where she moaned softly, before reaching around for a pillow, and snuggling around it.

Forty minutes later, after taking a warm shower and putting on a fitted navy polo, gray slacks, and black half-rimmed sunglasses, Inuyasha slipped into black leather loafers, kissed his wife goodbye and headed off for his regular Monday afternoon lunch spot.

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Miroku smirked as he walked past his wife on the way to the front door. Slapping her lightly on the behind as he passed, he grinned when he heard the regular outraged shout. He opened the door, and smiled as he saw the usual gruff exterior of Inuyasha's scowling face.

"Hey!"

He was rewarded with a grunt and a rough nudge to the side. Sango rushed to the front of the house as fast as she could, given the extra weight she was carrying, and Miroku saw the brief flash of pain in his friend's eyes before he pasted on an obviously fake smile and gave Sango a hug.

"Inuyasha! How is she, I've been worried about going to see her in my present condition. I'm not sure about how she'd respond."

"Yeah, I'd say that's the right choice to make." Inuyasha blatantly ignored the hurt he saw on Sango's face. He hated the fact the he could no longer have a casual lunch or dinner date with his friends and his wife, or his family. But he couldn't bring her to come outside of the house for anything but work and groceries.

He saw Miroku wrap his arm around Sango's waist in a silent display of comfort and found himself feeling like a slight ass. Unsure what to do, he asked cheerfully: "What's for lunch?"


End file.
